i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
