Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
