I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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