Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
