My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
