My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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