Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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