I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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