Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
