I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
