im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
