Do you still have your period?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
