I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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