If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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