"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
