dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
