Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
