one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize