She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
