covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
