JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
