I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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