You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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