Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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