Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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