My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
