It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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