i barfeds in our rink
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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