i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
