Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
