chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
