And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I checked into jail on foursquare
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
