I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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