i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
