i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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