Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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