I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
