he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
