You smell like a Billy Joel song
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
