Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
