You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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