Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
