Tell her she can't have a vagina
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
