What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
