as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize