one two three fourrrrnication!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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