life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
