Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize