he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
