Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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