if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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