Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize