There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
