please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize