yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i think i just lost a toe
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
