i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
