I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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