Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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