I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
