Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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