whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
