So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
