Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
