dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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