woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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