susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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