Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize