I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
