i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and you said cock pushups were impossible
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
