I puked a lego.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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