She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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