she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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