Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
