So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
