even my farts smell like vagina
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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