let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
