At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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