Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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