walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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