toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
wow bdsm is so cute
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