She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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