I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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