I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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