i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
