Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
