those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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