Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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