I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
