Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
